Isolation in New Motherhood: Thoughts from your Therapist Palm Desert
You weren’t expecting to feel so isolated in Palm Desert
When you become a parent for the first time, you often have months of contemplation to think and dream about what this baby will mean to your life and the ways your life may change and ways it may stay the same. We can never fully be ready for the ways a newborn will reshape our lives, and one comment I hear a lot is the surprise at the feelings of isolation and disconnection that women feel after their baby is born, after the first month when support helpers go home, maybe spouses return to work outside the home, maybe life is beginning to feel a little more settled, a little more routine.
Baby is here, a feeding rhythm has been established, you’re getting used to the 24-hour care of a newborn/infant and you are feeling lonely for connection with other adults but wondering how to feel less isolated when you are feeding a baby every 2-3 hours and the baby is still taking frequent naps. It feels hard to conceptualize getting out of the house given those parameters. You wonder what could you do in that short period of time, anyway? It’s easy to get stuck within the caretaking schedule of your infant, who does need you, and also make choices that keep you from the connection with others that every human needs. Moms will tell me they feel trapped by the schedule and end up scrolling on social media in those few moments they find between baby napping and baby awake. I have never had a mom tell me they felt restored and rejuvenated after extended social media time, although maybe that is your experience?
Motherhood can feel very isolating when you feel trapped by your baby’s schedule. Therapist in Palm Desert Lauren Fox, LCSW, helps women address their isolation to improve their mental health.
When I think about what new moms say to me about connection in the postpartum time, they lament how difficult it is to connect with others who also have young babies or children, feeling like everyone seems to be on a slightly different schedule so meeting up is difficult. Moms tell me they feel nervous or self- conscious to join a planned group or event because that feels really scary, on top of the really hard task of planning to leave the house, leaving the house and then socializing with strangers…and everyone is a stranger at some point in our relationship with them…but those are really valid fears that show up in new motherhood. New moms are tired and their own self-care is low and when we are not taking care of ourselves it can be really hard to stretch into tasks that feel harder.
How to Connect in Palm Desert
In thinking of isolation and disconnection, I invite you to consider what would feel possible for you today to feel less isolated. What activity might support connection for you? Is taking a 5-10 minute stroller walk with your infant possible? Would this be an opportunity to get outside of the walls of your home, get some movement into your day, possibly get a nap for baby while you are both enjoying the breeze and the smells of being outdoors, maybe have a brief conversation with a neighbor you haven’t seen in a while? Is driving to a park and walking the perimeter of the park possible? Is inviting a neighbor or friend over for a brief visit possible? What boundaries would you want to establish around this visit – they bring salad and you make pasta, you can’t visit past such and such time, would they be open to folding laundry with you. Is a video call with a friend on a different time zone possible, maybe one who is already finished with their work day when you are still in your early afternoon?
You might explore what one activity per week you can commit to, even though it might be somewhat disruptive to your baby’s schedule. Is there is a facilitated new mothers group you could join once per week? You might consider committing to attend another type of mommy and me activity for 3-4 sessions before you make any decisions about whether or not you’d like to continue to attend more often. Are there options that incorporate movement for yourself like a gentle postpartum yoga class in your area?
We are wired for connection, and in the early years of motherhood it can be helpful to remember that we are still in need of those same relationships for ourselves, especially as we support our young infants and children. When we feel connected and held by our relationships, we have more ability to give of ourselves to our young ones.
I hope this blog post has been helpful in addressing how isolating motherhood can feel and how even small steps towards making connections with others can begin to shift away from loneliness. If you are thinking that you need more support in figuring out what motherhood looks like for you, reach out to me! As a therapist in Palm Desert, I am aware of resources that might not be found through web searches. Let’s schedule a 15-minute consultation to discuss what you’re experiencing and help you decide if more supportive options like mental health treatment are warranted. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help connect you with the right provider. If you are looking for help with pregnancy, postpartum, pregnancy loss, infertility, birth trauma or hypnotherapy, you can read more about how I can help within this website.
Therapist Palm Desert, counselor Palm Desert, counseling Palm Desert, psychotherapy Palm Desert, finding a counselor in Palm Desert, Maternal Mental Health Palm Desert, psychologist Palm Desert, social worker Palm Desert, postpartum depression Palm Desert, postpartum anxiety Palm Desert, postpartum support Palm Desert, mom support groups near me